Wednesday, July 20, 2005


Comedy Bit of the Week

Thank Rumpelstiltskin for sending me this convo.
It's hilarious.
[Might have sexual innuendo for all you younger viewers. You've been forewarned.]

> bloodninja: Baby, I been havin a tough night so treat me nice aight?
> BritneySpears14: Aight.
> bloodninja: Slip out of those pants baby, yeah.
> BritneySpears14: I slip out of my pants, just for you, bloodninja.
> bloodninja: Oh yeah, aight. Aight, I put on my robe and wizard hat.
> BritneySpears14: Oh, I like to play dress up.
> bloodninja: Me too baby.
> BritneySpears14: I kiss you softly on your chest.
> bloodninja: I cast Lvl 3 Eroticism. You turn into a real beautiful woman.
> BritneySpears14: Hey...
> bloodninja: I meditate to regain my mana, before casting Lvl 8 Penis of the
> Infinite.
> BritneySpears14: Funny I still don't see it.
> bloodninja: I spend my mana reserves to cast Mighty of the Beyondness.
> BritneySpears14: You are the worst cyber partner ever. This is ridiculous.
> bloodninja: Don't fuck with me biznitch, I'm th e mightiest sorcerer of the
> lands.
> bloodninja: I steal yo soul and cast Lightning Lvl 1,000,000 Your body
> explodes into a fine bloody mist, because you are only a Lvl 2 Druid.
> BritneySpears14: Don't ever message me again you piece.
> bloodninja: Robots are trying to drill my brain but my lightning shield
> inflicts DOA attack, leaving the robots as flaming piles of metal.
> bloodninja: King Arthur congratulates me for destroying Dr. Robotnik's evil
> army of Robot Socialist Republics. The cold war ends. Reagan steals my
> accomplishments and makes like it was cause of him.
> bloodninja: You still there baby? I think it's getting hard now.
> bloodninja: Baby?
> ----------------
> bloodninja: Ok baby, we got to hurry, I don't know how long I can keep it
> ready for you.
> j_gurli3: thats ok. ok i'm a japanese schoolgirl, what r u.
> bloodninja: A Rhinocerus. Well, hung like one, thats for sure.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok lets go.
> j_gurli3: i put my hand through ur hair, and kiss u on the neck.
> bloodninja: I stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my
> breeding territory.
> j_gurli3: haha, ok, u know that turns me on.
> j_gurli3: i start unbuttoning ur shirt.
> bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't wear shirts.
> j_gurli3: No, ur not really a Rhinocerus silly, it's just part of the game.
> bloodninja: Rhinoceruses don't play games. They fucking charge your ass.
> j_gurli3: stop, cmon be serious.
> bloodninja: It doesn't get any more serious than a Rhinocerus about to
> charge your ass.
> bloodninja: I stomp my feet, the dust stirs around my tough skinned feet.
> j_gurli3: thats it.
> bloodninja: Nostrils flaring, I lower my head. My horn, like some phallic
> symbol of my potent virility, is the last thing you see as skulls collide
> and mine remains the victor. You are now a bloody red ragdoll suspended in
> the air on my mighty horn.
> bloodninja: Fuck am I hard now.
> BritneySpears14: Ok, are you ready?
> eminemBNJA: Aight, yeah I'm ready.
> BritneySpears14: I like your music Em... Tee hee.
> eminemBNJA: huh huh, yeah, I make it for the ladies.
> BritneySpears14: Mmm, we like it a lot. Let me show you.
> BritneySpears14: I take off your pants, slowly, and massage your muscular
> physique.
> eminemBNJA: Oh I like that Baby. I put on my robe and wizard hat.
> BritneySpears14: What the fuck, I told you not to message me again.
> eminemBNJA:
> BritneySpears14: I swear if you do it one more time I'm gonna report your
> ISP and say you were sending me kiddie porn you fuck up.
> eminemBNJA: Oh
> eminemBNJA: damn I gotta write down your names or something
> sweet17: Hi
> bloodninja: hello
> bloodninja: who is this?
> sweet17: just a someone?
> bloodninja: A someone I know?
> sweet17: nope
> bloodninja: Then why the hell are you bothering me?
> sweet17: well sorrrrrry
> sweet17: I just wanted to chat with you
> bloodninja: why?
> sweet17: nevermind your an jerk
> bloodninja: Hey wait a minute
> sweet17: yes?
> bloodninja: look I'm sorry. I'm just a little paranoid
> sweet17: paranoid?
> bloodninja: yes
> sweet17: of what?
> sweet17: me?
> bloodninja: No. I'm in hiding.
> sweet17: LOL
> bloodninja: Don't fucking laugh at me!
> bloodninja: This shit is serious!
> sweet17: What are you hiding from?
> bloodninja: The cops.
> sweet17: gimme a fucking break
> bloodninja: I'm serious.
> sweet17: I don't get it
> bloodninja: The cops are after me.
> sweet17: For what?
> bloodninja: I'm wanted in three states
> sweet17: For???
> bloodninja: It's kindof embarrasing.
> bloodninja: I had sex with a turkey.
> bloodninja: Hello?
> sweet17: You are fucking sick.
> bloodninja: Send me your picture.
> sweet17: why?
> bloodninja: so I know you aren't one of them.
> sweet17: One of what?
> bloodninja: The cops.
> sweet17: I'm not a cop i told you
> bloodninja: Then send me your picture.
> sweet17: hold on
> bloodninja: Hurry up.
> bloodninja: Are you there?
> bloodninja: Fuck you, cop!
> sweet17: Hey sorry
> sweet17: I had to do something for my mom.
> bloodninja: I thought you were trying to find a picture to send to me.
> bloodninja: When really you wer e notifying the authorities.
> bloodninja: Weren't you!?
> sweet17: thats not it
> bloodninja: Then what?
> sweet17: I don't want to send you the picture cause I'm not pretty
> bloodninja: Most cops aren't
> bloodninja: Then send me the picture.
> sweet17: fine. What's your e-mail?
> bloodninja: Just send it through here.
> sweet17: alright *PIC*
> sweet17: Did you get it?
> bloodninja: Hold on. I'm looking.
> sweet17: That was me back in may
> sweet17: I've lost weight since then.
> bloodninja: I hope so
> sweet17: what?!?
> sweet17: that hurt my feelings.
> bloodninja: Did it?
> sweet17: Yes. I'm not that much smaller than that now.
> bloodninja: Will it make you feel better if I send you my picture?
> sweet17: yes
> bloodninja: Alrigh t let me find it.
> sweet17: kks
> bloodninja: Okay here it is. *PIC*
> sweet17: this isn't you.
> bloodninja: I'll be damned if it ain't!
> sweet17: You don't look like that.
> bloodninja: How the hell do you know?
> sweet17: cause your profile has another picture.
> bloodninja: The profile pic is a fake.
> bloodninja: I use it to hide from the cops.
> sweet17: You look like the Farm Fresh guy lol
> bloodninja: Well, you look like you ATE the Farm Fresh guy....
> bloodninja: Not to mention all the groceries.
> sweet17: Go fuck yourself
> bloodninja: I was going to until I saw that picture
> bloodninja: Now my unit won't get hard for a week.
> sweet17: I shouldn't have sent you that picture.
> sweet17: You've done nothing but slam me.
> sweet17: you hurt me.
> bloodninja: And calling me the Farm Fresh guy doesn't hu rt me?
> sweet17: I thought you were bullcrapping me!
> bloodninja: Why would I do that?
> sweet17: I can't believe that cops are after you
> bloodninja: I can't believe Santa lets you sit on his lap..
> sweet17: FUCK YOU!!!
> bloodninja: You'd break both of his legs.
> sweet17: You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE!
> sweet17: I've been teased my whole life because of my weight
> sweet17: and you make fun of me when you don't even know me
> bloodninja: Ok. I'm sorry.
> sweet17: No you aren't
> bloodninja: You're right. I'm not.
> bloodninja: HAARRRRR!
> sweet17: I'm done with you
> bloodninja: Aww. I'm sorry.
> sweet17: I'm putting you on ignore
> bloodninja: Wait a sec
> bloodninja: We got off on the wrong foot.
> bloodninja: Wanna start over?
> sweet17: No
> bloodninja: I'll eat your kitty
> sweet17:< /B> You'll what?
> bloodninja: You heard me.
> bloodninja: I said I'd eat your kitty.
> sweet17: I thought you said you couldn't get it hard after seeing my
> picture
> bloodninja: Do I need a hard-on to eat your kitty?
> sweet17: I'd like to know that the man eating me out is excited yes
> bloodninja: Well I'm not like most men.
> bloodninja: I get excited in different ways.
> sweet17: Like what?
> bloodninja: Do you really wanna know?
> sweet17: I don't know
> bloodninja: You have to tell me yes or no.
> sweet17: I'm afraid to
> bloodninja: Why?
> sweet17: cause
> bloodninja: cause why?
> sweet17: well lets see
> sweet17: you say you have sex with turkeys. You call me fat. then you wanna
> eat me out
> sweet17: doesn't that seem strange to you?
> bloodninja: Nope
> sweet17: well its strange to me
> bloodninja: Fine. I won't do it if you don't want me to
> sweet17: I didn't say that
> bloodninja: So is that a yes?
> sweet17: I guess so.
> bloodninja: Ok. I need your help getting excited though.
> bloodninja: Are you willing?
> sweet17: What do you need me to do?
> bloodninja: I need you talk like a pirate.
> sweet17: ???
> bloodninja: When I start to go limp... you say "HARRRR!!!"
> bloodninja: ok?
> bloodninja: Hello?
> sweet17: You can't be serious
> bloodninja: Oh yes I am!
> bloodninja: It's my fantasy.
> sweet17: this is retarded
> bloodninja: Do you want it or not?
> sweet17: Yes I want it.
> bloodninja: Then you'll do it for me?
> sweet17: sure
> bloodninja: Ok. Here we go.
> bloodninja: I gently remove your panties and being to massage your thighs.
> bloodninja : You get really juicy thinking about my tounge brushing up
> against them
> bloodninja: I softly begin to tounge your wet kitty.
> bloodninja: I run my tounge up and down your smooth clit.
> sweet17: mmmm yeah
> bloodninja: uh oh ...going limp.
> sweet17: Har
> bloodninja: You gotta do better than that!
> bloodninja: Your picture was really bad.
> bloodninja: Ahhhh. Much better. I feel your kitty get more moist with every
> stroke.
> bloodninja: I softly suck on your clit bringing it in and out of my mouth.
> bloodninja: Your juices run down my chin as your scent makes its way to my
> nose.
> bloodninja: I begin to feel empowered by your femininity.
> sweet17: mmmmmm you are good
> bloodninja: I feel your thighs tighten as I suck harder
> bloodninja: going limp
> sweet17: HARRRRRRR
> bloodninja: Mmmm I gra b your swelling buttocks in my hands.
> bloodninja: You begin to sway back and forth.
> bloodninja: going limp
> sweet17: this is stupid
> bloodninja: ...still limp
> bloodninja: Do it!
> bloodninja: I turn you around to lick your asshole.
> bloodninja: I pry apart that battleship you call your ass.
> bloodninja: I see poo nuggets hanging from the hair around your ass.
> sweet17: WTF?!?!?
> bloodninja: They stink really bad.
> sweet17: OMG STOP!!!
> bloodninja: I start to get fed up with your ugly ass
> bloodninja: I tear off your wooden peg leg.
> bloodninja: I ram it up your ass.
> bloodninja: Then I pour hot carmel over your head.
> bloodninja: And turn you into a fucking candy apple...
> bloodninja: I kick you in the face!
> sweet17: FUCK YOU ASSHOLE!!
> bloodninja: The celluloid from your cheeks hits the side of the cabin...
> bloodninja: Your parrot flys away.
> bloodninja: ...going limp again.
> bloodninja: Hello?
> bloodninja: Say it!
> bloodninja: HAARRRRRR!!!!!

To Be Continued...


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