Thursday, June 09, 2005


A Real Batman Review

Author:Brian Hibbs
Site: Savage Critic(s) or here
Blog Entry: Wednesday, June 8, 2005

Thankfully you almost never see the full Batman costume, because it looks pretty silly. In the few shots where it was just shoulders up, talking, it looked like Bale would topple over from the top-heaviness of the suit.
Lewd Paraphrase 1: Batman Costume looks like a duck that got fucked by Tyson. In the mouth.
On the other hand, I thinking changing Ra's motivation in the way that they did probably weakens the character. I mean with comic book Ra's I might even be with him pretty much everywhere up to "so, then we kill 90% of the population!" This one I was definitely less down with.
Lewd Paraphrase 2: Bad guys are bad guys. Good guys are good guys. Don't expect the bad guy to surprise you. What do you think this movie is? Whedon's Serenity? Who do you think Batman is? Malcom Reynolds?

So, yes, I enjoyed it -- it had depth, it was thoughtful, it built its themes, and it all comes down to explosions and punches, as such things do. Without the need to give pretty much every character some sort of role in the climax, I think it might have been more satisfying.
Lewd Paraphase 3: It's dumb entertainment. It's stylish. It's decent. But don't expect Sin City. Don't expect American Pyscho. Don't expect. Expect Goyer.

Summary: Most people arent looking for interesting, surprising, or thoughtful stuff. Their not looking for things that make them feel bad, good, sad or horrified. Their looking to kill time. Their looking to justify the time they've killed by lauding the item they've killed their time with.

This is what the studio's think. And their wrong. When you make a movie, and someone buys the right to view it, that's an audience. An audience means: "Teach me something. I'm giving you free reign over my mind."

That's a mind man. The least you could do, out of respect to your audience, is to fuck up this mind so completely, it demands a sequel so that you can unfuck it.

Batman is a the revolution in us all. He is the Guevera, he is the ghandi, he is the Osama Bin Laden. This is what Batman is. An urban terrorist. You could portray him as something else but why? You've already had a PG version origin story of him. Why make Batman Origin 2.0? Why remake a movie that hasnt had time to lie fallow? In agriculture, whenever you try to farm fallow land, you create topsoil erosion. All WB's/DC's franchises will suffer from this--just like the ppl from Kansas suffered from Dust Bowl tornadoes. They will all suffer and wither and die.

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