Friday, June 03, 2005


Comics Review: Savage Critic Style

5/25 Book Reviews that Brian Hibbs Reviewed.
I shall counter-review them.

Brian's Grade: Preposterous Ending
My Grade: Stupid, stupid, stupid. Uninteresting stuff. Mainly Superman vs. Bad Guy. Nothing novel.
He's right. The end reveal is preposterous--also, who the hell cares?

Brian's Grade: Too much Avengers
My Grade: Mr. Hibbs is pretty on the mark here. Spider-man just seem really weird. Like he doesnt belong in the Avengers. Whoever thought that Spiderman living in Iron Man Towers was a good idea is an idiot.

BATMAN #640:
Brian's Grade: Superman and Batman scenes were idiotic.
My Grade: Not exactly. Superman and Batman scenes werent idiotic. They were there to cast some sortah way to background who Red Hood is. I mean, not everyone knows he's the rezzed Jason Todd. Still, who the fuck cares about J. Todd?

Brian's Grade: A strong ok.
My Grade: This series reminds me of Astonishing X-men. Great beginning until you find out who the villain is. Come the fuck on! The Danger Room? Bucky? What? Just for once, I'd like some foreshadowing. Sometimes these plot climaxes resemble ass shots from the writer--You know, them shooting these stories from their asses, never mind.

Brian's Grade: Not in character
My Grade: Actually, who gives a crap if they're in character--that's the beauty of using "C" list characters--the ability to erase all their shitty characteristics and replace them with some realistic ones. I'm not a big DoV#1 fan but DoV#2 hints at a larger story, a distintively noteworthy Billy Willingham one.

Brian's Grade: This is one of the places where the usual critic scale fails me -- it's worse than "EH", but "AWFUL" seems to harsh.
My Grade: No comment from me. Brian's way to polite. I'd have use the words 'fuckin' and 'dogshit' to describe the radioactive vibe of this 'mic. Not a particularly auspicious way to launch a new logo, DC. Not at all.

Brian's Grade: well-written, pretty to look at, and some solid ideas.
My Grade:Hehe, the nick fury scene is funny. Itsa well written too. Not too wild about the mention of the "Fantastic Four is broke" story tie-in. For one thing, that was a stupid storyline because it paints the fantastic four as complete idiots, the city of new york as tax-leeching douche bags, and--what kind of leader are the Richards if they cant even run their own company? Would you trust the world to them? At the end of the day, culpability is not what ruins a man, it's what you let slip when it's your turn at bat. Look at Ulysses S. Grant. Thankfully, this story only uses that continuity to springboard to a NEW STORY. A interesting one. Finally and thank god.

FLASH #222:
Brian's Grade: Still suffering a bit from the Too Many Characters and Too Many Plans
My Grade:Hah. Brian Hibbs gave this a strong OK because of Geoff Johns. I give it a strong kick in a back and a open flame.

Brian's Grade: I thought ULTRA was keen from the first issue -- this grabbed me much less, what with the "get me wet" and "squeeze my melons"
My Grade: This book is really promising. ULTRA is a P.O.S. comic. The book starts off weird but it ends even weirder. Nice.

Brian's Grade: this was pretty dull.
My Grade: Geoff Johns smokes too much weed. I never got why he's so popular. This issue--again, dogshit, who cares, writer-should-commit-seppuku, take your pick. I'm overexagerrating. I expected a bit more, though.

INCREDIBLE HULK #81: Brian's Grade: And the coda was really unnecessary.
My Grade: Peter David is a good writer. He certainly knows how to write. I wish he would pick stronger main themes to work with. To tell you the truth, i thought Fallen Angel was a piece of shit but I've loved everything else he's done. Strange innit? Me like this issue. Decapitation is the answer to everything.

JLA #114:
Brian's Grade: Awful
My Grade: Awful

MACHINE TEEN #1: Fucking awful

Brian's Grade: really horrendously long way to go to get that set-up together.
My Grade: I'm a big fan of rich kid stories. Their alot more intesting than the other golden team--what were they called? The X-kids? The Asshats? The one with the Golden Kid and the Black kid and the noriko robot-arm chick? Oh yeah, I remember now. The Bitchfats. Hrm. Or not.

Brian's grade: I'll go with OK, though I basically Don't Care.
My Grade: I like my Batman as an asshole and unlikable. I like OMAC #2. For one thing, Checkmate sends Superhuman OMACs after Batman. Finally, villains who takes out the JL intelligence network first(Batman, Oracle, etc)!. The #2 issues of the Crisislings have all been good; they get the ball rolling. If DC keeps it up, they might beat Marvel. Now, isnt that a quaint idea?

Brian's Grade: Awful
My Grade: Crossover, yes. Awful, no. Seeing as how Outsiders suck, any crossover that introduces a new story is welcomed. Did I mention how Outsiders suck? Plus Branicac in one page is sixty times more interesting than Metamorpho 2.0, or Kid Green Arrow-no, Red Arrow-No, Assenal--No, Mr. Walking-Beat-me-up-what-am-i-doing-here-where's-my-mask-Please-kidnap-my-daughter Man--What the fuck is up with the characters in Outsiders? They've on going through what I like to call--Please ruin me like you've done NW's character! Oh yes, spank ys harder, Mr. DC...Oh shit. I wrote that out loud.

Brian's Grade: Kind of a wasted issue -- extraordinarily little happens in the first half, while the second half is yet another "let's walk through the possibilities".
My Grade: Runaways is like...Defex from DDP. A few issues of good, a few issues of bad.
Nowhere as strong or coherent as volume one. But I cant blame Vaughn. Judging by the amount of sales Runaways v1 accrued, the change in direction may be warranted. I also really dug the artstyle in volume one. Comic book geeks are so anti-manga to the point of nationalism, you know. Makes me sick. Runaways needs a main character. Like Monkey D. Luffy, Son Gohan, or Inuyasha. Someone pure and straightforward. This archetype is a magnet for readership.

Brian's Grade Again, not any Iron Man I've ever read before, but, judging on it's own merits this is solid enough comics.
My Grade: Ender! Ender! Ender! Excellent. Bean! Bean! Bean!
Iron Man is about brains, mecha, and money. Orson's on the mark here. If i had my way, i'd dig up Asimov's corpse and get him typing too. Oh wait, i think i already did that. Injunction Lawsuit from Mrs. Asimov next Thursday.

Brian's Grade: solid VERY GOOD.
My Grade: Defender Issue. Hank Pym Issue. Some reveals. Piece of shit issue about uninteresting characters that really dont advance the plot at all. There is one page of plot in the whole piece of shit--Yeah, i'm pretty vehement against filler. And, don't mistake it, this is complete filler.

Without Crisis, Marvel's batch of comics would have kicked Dc's ass.
Poor DC.

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